It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
