If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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