You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
