i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Randomize
