If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Let's get the cat blown out
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
