guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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