just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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