I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
