I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
