One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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