So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
