my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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