i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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