her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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