ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
