I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
