dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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