I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
