I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
