if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
your like the ambassador to my penis.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You need Xanax blowdarts
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
