his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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