What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
