I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
