i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
