Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
