I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
