Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
