We won't sleep together?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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