careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
