it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
