rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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