I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
