the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
