she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Pants are for mortals
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
