I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
