Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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