my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
