seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
