you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Randomize
