You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
