I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
