So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
