In America we eat man semen.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
