I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
