he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
