Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
