so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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