You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize