I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
