i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
