yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
