I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
