Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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