woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
