..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
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is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
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They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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