you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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