Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
