pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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