Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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