I want to have your abortion
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
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She's just so happy...and so naked.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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