OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
