he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
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Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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