Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
