i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
