You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My dick has a subreddit
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
