Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Bring me that man meat
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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