i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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