How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
