He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
