This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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