We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
