I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
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he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
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so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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