I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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