She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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