I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
